i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
