And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
