I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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