They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
