the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
