i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
why does every cop we meet know your name?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
