I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
