There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
