Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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