....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
