I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
