basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
