I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's just so happy...and so naked.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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