I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
