its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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