New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
