dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
