i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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