the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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