Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
