Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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