I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
