Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
