How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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