am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
