do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
