Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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