is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
