opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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