Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
