First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
