i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
