There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
