We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
