The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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