Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
