I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
