My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
