i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
50% drunk capacity currently
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
