I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
