her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
