If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
