the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
