My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
