you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
