I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
