I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
