PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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