I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
