all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
