do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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