Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
