Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
