I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
